So much has changed in a single year, while at the same time everything seems much the same. I should have posted on January 1st celebrating the legalization of cannabis in my state. My daughter turned fifteen, I spent a massive amount of money on 5 Seconds of Summer concert tickets, and then the Ides of March. Shakespeare knew what he was talking about, you know? Who would have thought our fast-paced, high-tech, consumer driven world could come to a screeching halt? Yet that is what mid March brought our world; quarantine and a lack of toilet paper.
In April we celebrated a monumental 420 holiday. <4/20/20> All the while suffering homeschool via Zoom. May brought the end of school (thank the Lord) and more at-home time. June saw the opening of stores and restaurants as long as you work a mask… and now we see the second wave of COVID-19 cases. July broke my daughter’s heart because the oh so expensive concert was postponed until 2021. So much has changed.
Personally I have lost 60lbs in that year. Actually, I lost upwards of 100 pounds due to gaining and losing the same ten pounds a few times. Just fifty more to go to be where I was before I got sick over a decade ago. My daughter doesn’t remember what I looked like before I got sick and gained over 100 pounds. I want her to see me like that, to know me like that. It will help with my pain, among other things. So this is my big win of the last year. I’m wearing my daughter’s pants because I can no longer fit into any of my old clothes. I won’t mind having to buy new clothes.
One of the biggest changes in my journey is happening right now. I had an appointment with my neurologist this morning. She brought up the idea of taking me off of Morphine altogether and changing me to Suboxone. This would be huge. I have already started a cannabis regiment. I guess it is time to stop the opioid. It is scary because without it right now I can barely move. But I have to trust that they know what they are talking about.
What I’d like to do is open up a dialogue about pain management. What do you do to control your pain? I am not ashamed to say I am worried about switching to a non-narcotic regiment. I’ve been on some sort of pain medicine for over a decade. If this causes me to not be able to walk, move, take care of myself and my daughter… well, I guess I will discover an answer to that if and when it happens.
I am teaching my daughter to drive. She will not be able to drive recreationally; it will be for emergencies only for a while. Her observational skills and attention span leave much to be desired. However, if I find myself in a great deal of pain and incapable of driving myself, it will be good to have a licensed driver in the house. What this also means is a $450 class that is 90 miles away. The instruction is required by our state and the nearest driving school is 90 miles away. (My daughter goes to a private school; drivers ed isn’t offered yet.)
I will stop here for now. There is more, there was more; my head is all over the place right now. I need to do some laundry. (It is a cathartic experience for me, don’t ask.).
Sending love and blessings your way.
xCecelia
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