{pain} 5 {sleep} 6h 56m – woke up after 8am, which was painfully long after the time I should have taken my meds.
Icarus Falls by: James W. Johnson
Rœgn had a counseling appointment this morning in Charleston at 9am, which meant I had to get up and around entirely too early. Physically I have not been stretching enough bc my room is full of boxes & I have no place to actually STRETCH. Because of that, I am not feeling the best. I also have not showered in over a week (TMI, sorry); the only bath/shower is in my mother’s room currently. I want her to LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE SO I CAN HAVE A GODDAMNED BATH.
The Elephant Needs A Bath by: Kathy White
I need to smoke. Talk Soon, Cecelia.
Post Script: 10:04pm. Dear God, I hurt so very much. Today was a wild explosion of activity, necessity, loquaciousness and a certain joie de vivre. After the trip to Charleston, Rœgn had to go into work at 11am; Walgreens has cut their Pharmacy hours down to ridiculous. That means they don’t open until 10am and they close at 6pm, open Monday through Friday; they’re not interested in making life easier for either their customers nor their employees. I asked Rœgnto ask my mom to take her back to Charleston to pick up the medications at Walgreens that could not be finished earlier because they were not open, but I digress. She said that she didn’t need her meds. [I had texted her earlier to let her know that both our meds were being worked on, Rœgn and I had to come home because she had to work].
I did too much today; we had walked earlier too, which only increased my discomfort later in the day. We took Lady Diana with us to Charleston, dropped her at Annie’s so we could pick up our meds and grab a bite to eat. We went back to pick her up and to visit the babies… and ohhhh I miss my babies! I was stupid and picked up the boyo while standing directly from the ground, which I felt directly between my shoulder blades almost immediately. With all that in mind, I will say that I hope you have had a good day. I want to pass out and not wake for days. Talk Soon, Čęčęłįá
{pain} 4 {sleep} 7h 15m and I have not started real stretches yet. My Unca Fred came through town this morning, but it was 30 minutes before I woke up. 😑 So I missed him. HE missed the tornadoes back home, one of which could have killed his grandson.
Do you remember Santiago? Well, let me remind you…
Santiago & Rœgn
Okay, so there were tornadoes in Oklahoma & Kansas yesterday/last night. We have family in both of those locations and whilst checking in this morning I was told that poor Santi’s bed is smashed, as a horse trailer weight, which was on top of the well house (to keep the top ON the well house), was picked up and dropped on the trailer. The trailer itself was also twirled around, but I don’t have those pics just yet. If Santiago would have been in bed, we wouldn’t have our Santiago anymore.
Green horse trailer weight came through the ceiling, landed on Santiago’s bed.
I grew up in Oklahoma, so I take the tornado sirens with a grain of salt. It is true that you can tell who is an Okie when the sirens go off… they’re the ones outside looking up at the sky. The reason is you can usually tell by the sky how much time you have, but only if you’ve lived there and experienced it in the past. Vicki said Joshua, Derly, Santiago, and Naomy barely made it up to the house from their trailer, I can only imagine what would have happened had they ignored the warnings.
The Shawnee, Oklahoma Tornado on I-40 by: Chris Allington
Description: House destroyed by a force 5 (F5) tornado or twister. The graffiti ‘Toto went east’ is a reference to the story The Wizard of Oz. A tornado is a violent, rotating column of air characterized by a funnel-shaped cloud. Winds in an F5 tornado travel at between 420 and 512 kilometers per hour causing massive devastation. Photographed in Moore, a suburb of Oklahoma City, OK, after a tornado passed through the area on 3rd May, 1999. An estimated 1500 homes were destroyed.
[right] Tornado Damage by: Jim Reed/science Photo Library
The truth is that tornadoes are the craziest of the natural disasters; they are the most unpredictable, thus the most deadly in 1st world countries. For instance, the gigantic barn not a football field away from Josh & Derly’s trailer had but a single light damaged. In helping with recovery efforts, I have seen a refrigerator being the only thing left standing in a home, and when they opened it up everything was perfectly ordinary. In someone else’s home, their fridge had everything inside blown up from the pressure, but from the outside everything looked normal. Some cases a twister will ‘drop’ on a house, lift up and ‘drop’ on another house blocks away, with no damage in between. Other times, like in Joplin, Missouri, 2011, a miles-wide swath of area is destroyed, which “led to 161 deaths, more than 1,300 injuries, and nearly $3 billion worth of damages. To date, the May 22, 2011 tornado is considered the costliest in US history.” (Per KY3.com).
Tornado of colors by: Sabantha
On that note… prayers appreciated for everyone effected by the storms. Hope & pray that everyone is safe. Talk Soon, Çėçęłįá
Sometimes I cannot find the words to explain my day, week, or mood in general. I was thinking about a weekly challenge to do just that, describing your day, week, or mood with art, photos, or some other expression outside of words. WHAT DO YOU THINK???? Talk Soon, Čęčęłįâ✌🏻
The Dawdler – Thank you, Rory, for asking the questions… You can either answer them in my comment section, or make a new post all your own.
Which behavioural trait describes you more – introvert, ambivert or extrovert? Oh, I’m an ambivert for sure; I can pass as an extrovert, but I really need my me-time. Especially since I became disabled.
How often do you clear out free space on your phone, and how often does your storage space fill up? I don’t really have to do this bc I have like 2TB of storage I think?My storage space doesn’t fill up.
Also, how many apps do you have that you use daily? Twenty +/- Certainly no where near the number I have; though many on my phone are not installed, but only in the cloud.
Are you easily annoyed, and your temper continually snaps? If so, what irks you the most, or are you the calm one who only blows occasionally? I am a volcano. I am dormant for very long periods of time. If I begin to get angry I send up little tremors here & there, perhaps a gas pocket erupts… then if nothing is done, I explode.
Let me know your views and thoughts in the comment section below Thanks
My idea of a decent retirement would be living on the Isle of Man teaching Manx (native Celtic language) through mission work. Maybe one day that will happen and I will be living in a tiny cottage next to a kirk in the village. Until then, I am thinking of having a weekly or bi-weekly post about my Sunday morning routine which includes coffee, cannabis, and church. (Doesn’t sound as good as kirk, thus the name change).
Also, I don’t want you to think this is me pushing my religion on you… nooooot likely as I am not that kind of evangelist. I’m more of a ‘live like Christ’ and ‘answer their questions’ type of person. I also would like to share the Word with anyone interested and the best way I know how to do that is to share what I watch each Sunday.
Ima going to be honest, I usually only watch the preaching. 🤦🏻♀️ I know the music is lovely, and I really enjoyed the cello this morning; anyhow, feel free to skip that part if you’d like. I’d really love to know what you think; please let me know in the comments! Talk Soon, Çėçėłįá
What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?
—The Daily Prompt
Overall, money. Individually: Buy a car; find a new place to live; find a reliable roommate; actually move out. (Okay, that last one I have until Christmas, as that was my initial goal). So, as I talk/write myself through it, really my biggest challenge is finding a car I can afford that is a hybrid or full electric, that I can also afford to insure. 😑 Real life sucks.
{pain} 5 {sleep} Altogether 9h 12m – but it was broken, painful, groggy, and horrifying sleep. Not restful at all. {stretches} half done, but not really well begun… sorry, Mary Poppins.
I have discovered inspiration for my future bathroom (?) maybe, or my guest bathroom. Yes. I will change it though bc I would like the snake to get the better of that eagle. Or maybe just cause pain.
[left] Eagle And Serpent Mozaic by: David Parker
It’s that kind of day, people. Well, that’s not true, bc I began my day in a lovely way. Coffee, Cannabis & Kirk… oooh, that’s what I’ll call it! ~I’m thinking about different weekly posts with different themes, a new challenge, and at least one other post that does not deal with ‘pain’ in any way. But I digress…~ 🐄 Church was good this morning as Bryan basically discussed how Christians were the first socialists. 😆 I loved it. In fact, I may just do that first post today for CC&K.
Mary Poppins by: Nikita Carl
Sunday is supposed to be the day of rest, but my ma had Roegn hauling wood from the truck to the porch. It’s the perfect day for it; my windows are open 👀 & it definitely needed done. Rœ needs to do more physical activity anyway. What have you been up to today? Hope your day is lovely. Talk Soon, Çėçėłįá
{pain} 4.5 (but I have yet to stretch) {sleep} 6h 10m ~ with a very strange sleep pattern last night. Want to see it? Well, you’re going to have to see it anyhow, bc #1 I can’t hear your answer and #2 my blog, yo!
I find the deep sleep here important bc I smoked hella weed yesterday.
I simply want to remain in an altered state of being until the eagle has flown away. I know I can make it, I know that the time will just fly by. Oh man. That was bad. Sorry.
Fly Away by: Terry F
~Yes I would like to fly away myself, but that is not a possibility at this moment.~mooving on 🐄. I haven’t been cooking because I don’t want to spend any time in the kitchen which is near my mother’s room. If that makes me a coward, I just do not care. I will make lunch later on; it is Rœgn’s turn to make dinner anyway.
The Fly-away-horse Photograph by: Judy Mastrangelo
I am going to smoke myself into oblivion again. How are you spending your weekend? I hope it is nice & peaceful. Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
Don’t do that. ~ yeah, that should have been my mantra in high school. I would have told my teenaged self that college & real life will NOT be the cakewalk high school was. I would force myself to sit down and go through all the pros & cons to my post-high school decisions and would make myself decide based solely on the pro/con list as opposed to picking the location the farthest from my mother. 😒 I would remind myself that I love theatre and music and performing on the field in marching band… and instead of just changing myself 100%, I would grow the good parts and prune the less than desirable parts. (You know, instead of the absolute DUMPSTER FIRE that my first college experience was).
[[No one heard me say that, right?]] {pain} 4 – I have my meds & cannabis, this should continue to go down. {sleep} I must have forgotten to charge my watch. I woke up at 8:07am hurting & needing my meds.
Digital watercolor painting of Beautiful landscape image of Syca by: Matthew Gibson
So incredibly thankful for cannabis today. I just want to remain as high as possible until the eagle flys away again. We are stuck in our rooms; we wouldn’t want to use the living room, which has not been used at all since we got all of our stuff out of it, by the way. What was the point? Why was there a rant about “YOUR living room” (meaning the eagle couldn’t use it) only to leave it barren now that it is empty. I thought she wanted to have it for herself or whatever; there was no way to share it with us, or be apart of our lives. Isn’t that the reason she went off 🌋 about? I don’t know… apparently not. Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
{pain} IFH {sleep} 2h 52m – I am stressed out and my body hurts and I don’t have enough cannabis.
Cholla Garden by: Inigo Cia *Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.*
I think it should be – “My name is Idaho Potato. You peeled my father; prepare to fry.”
I am in so much pain in my soul, my body, my heart… that I am completely ignoring it and trying to just get through the days. Wish I could say that I am merrily counting down the minutes until she leaves, but I don’t know WHEN she is leaving. Zero communication skills here.
💯
I have errands today… smoked through 7g in three days, so need to go shopping. Hope Thor is treating you well. Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
My daughter, Rœgn, pretty sure I have mentioned that before! I love spending time with my best friend, Nina. I also prefer the company of my cat, Lady Diana. 🐈⬛ Oh! I nearly forgot Mon Petit Homme & Ma Petit Fleur… oops!
{pain} 6 {sleep} 4h 16m – couldn’t sleep well at all. Yesterday sucked.
Available at fineartamerica.com
I am tired. The day has been long and I just don’t feel much like talking about it. I missed my first day of PT… awesome; love THAT first impression. I also need to go to Charleston for my Ajovy, otherwise I will soon be projectile vomiting. I’ll do my best to take a good picture if that happens. Hope you all are having a good week thus far. Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
**DISCLAIMER** There is discussion of self harm and emotional abuse in this article. If you are having trouble with this, crisistextline.org is but one of the many places that can help. If you’re unable to deal with this heavy of a subject, I completely understand; perhaps you can find another of my blog entries to make you smile. ✌🏻
I would like to self harm right now. There is only one person who can send me straight to that dark place and that is my mother. I know people who have good relationships with their mom’s, hell, I have an amazing relationship with my daughter… which is a direct response to the relationship I have with my mother. ‡‡ Rœgn and I describe my mom like a cactus. She is too prickly sharp to let anyone near; she doesn’t trust anyone to get close, so she doesn’t share her life with others, which means she is lonely, unhappy and in a bad financial situation with her semi-truck that she won’t accept, all of which makes her attack us bc we take her money and we are nearby. We don’t take as much of her money as her old ass semi truck does, but whatever. (I’m a disabled, single, mom & I fully admit I would never have been able to take care of my daughter, Rœgn, without my mom).‡‡
Razor Blades With Blood by: Medicimage/ Science Photo Library
Today she very loudly explained that we are not really living with her… we are not living together. She pointed out that she had her sacred space, her room, which we were NOT ALLOWED to touch, at all. (Even though we only have one working shower/bath right now, and it is in her room. Oh! And our coat & linen closet is in her room). She screamed about her room being trashed – there was a pile of towels on the floor that I had taken from the bathroom and put on her floor as a resting spot before I did the laundry & had honestly forgotten about them. 🛑 NO! 🛑 That is NOT ALLOWED. Her bed was not absolutely perfect, bc we had laid the boyo and girlie there after their baths to get them dressed & such. There was no mess, you could barely tell anything was different bc I made the bed with perfect fuçking hospital corners. But 🛑 NO 🛑 – it doesn’t matter that a one year old or two year old are shivering like crazy & don’t need to be taken across the entire house to go to my room only to get dressed… 🛑 YOU CAN’T USE HER BED!
No Admittance by: Sensorspot
I will say that Rœgn left her wood frame from her bed in the closet we were NOT ALLOWED to touch after I told her to take it to the garage. We put two boxes in the coat closet area just to get them out of the reach of children. —So, yes, we messed up.
By: -Mike Baldwin
But something very interesting came from her screaming: She doesn’t want to be a part of our lives at all. She screamed that we had our rooms & OUR living room. Now let me explain… there were kids toys out, right? Bc the kids were just here & I hadn’t physically recovered from having them to clean up enough to satisfy HER (meaning it was more/less picked up, but not to HER standards). There were piles of laundry on the floor, separated, waiting to be done in the next couple days. There was a pile of CLEAN laundry on one side of the couch and a basket full clean laundry waiting to be folded on the living room table. The living room was like that because we LIVE in it. I don’t have enough room in my bedroom to separate our laundry. I don’t know where else to put it… yes, of course I should have put the clean laundry away immediately. I suck. Sorry. We don’t have a “fake” house, like a staged home that your real estate agent takes you to in order to pique your interest. We actually live in our house, but I digress.
I Mess Up Constantly Floral by: Jacob Zelazny
Then she freaked out about her mail. She said there was NO mail on her desk and she was expecting VERY IMPORTANT tax information in the mail, and IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE. And “DO I NEED TO CALL AROUND AND CHECK ON THE DOCUMENTS?” Seriously, I want to take a screen shot of the TEXT messages she was sending me, all the while being in the same house. She wouldn’t come out of her bedroom, her sacred space, to condescend to speak to me. Rather, she sent text messages screaming at both Rœgn and me and then she got pissed that we didn’t respond immediately. (I had my personal focus on bc I was watching a documentary). So she freaks out about these very important documents…
They were in a neat pile on the dining room table not two feet from her bedroom door. The tax document she was freaking out about was on the very top. She never bothered to look. It was immediately and obviously my fault bc apparently I am out to get her.
You didnt do it by: Simri Farfan
I had been working very hard on my bedroom. Physically, it is not easy for me to “work hard” like I used to; I need a lot of breaks now. Things do not get done as quickly as I would like, and certainly not as quickly, or even as good as my mom would like. I never do anything good enough, especially cleaning or organizing, but I have been working very hard on it recently. I knew I needed to get my room organized so I could branch out & clean up & organize the rest of the house. I was under the impression that we were living with my mom, primarily bc she had said we were to decorate like we lived there too. But it was all a lie. She never wanted to live with us. She wanted it to be like an AirBnb.
LIghtbulb Moment by Bigalbaloo Stock
My mother wants us to live in this house as if we were in an AirBnB, even when she is NOT here. We are to live in our home as if it were NOT our home. Oh, bc she basically just said it isn’t. What in fact happened today was my mom not having the courage to throw us out. She wants everything to look perfect all the time, even if someone with a physical disability cannot keep up. I will never be good enough. 💯 Because she wanted an AirBnB, and us out, Rœgn & I gathered all of our things from the house and put it all in our rooms. All that work I did on my room? All gone now, replaced with piles and piles of our things. Instead of coming in to my room, talking with me, seeing all the progress I had made and telling me how good a job I had done… my mom didn’t even come over to look (I had sent pictures previously) in fact, she never set foot outside her damned ‘sacred space’ of a room.
By: Kimberly Glover
I am going to go now. There is so much pain inside me, I just want to slice and slice and slice… I am so füçking upset. I am exhausted. There is so much more that I am leaving out. I sincerely hope this finds you much better than I; good vibes coming your way. Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
Welcome to Share your World; thank you, Di at pensitivity101 for hosting this awesome conversation. There are two ways in which you can participate: Leave your answers to this week’s questions in the comments box below or create your own post.
To make it easy for others to check out your post, title your blog post “Share Your World” and link it to this one.
Ping-backs are activated, but don’t always work properly. To play safe, leave a link in a comment, just to be sure or if you prefer, leave just the link if you don’t have anything else to chat about. Instructions on how ping-backs work are found by clicking here. Thanks!
Melanie always included an optional gratitude section at the end and I see no reason to change that.
Here are your questions for this week based on your shopping habits:
When food shopping, do you go with a list and stick to it, or buy on the hop?Hm, well a mix, really. Thanks to the pandemic we have Pick Up at many stores, something which has helped curb errant spending, for sure. When I don’t do that, I try to have a list, but fail more often than not. My daughter is absolutely terrible about just throwing things in the basket ending with a very hefty price tag.
When clothes shopping, do you prefer to shop in a store or buy mail order?When I was forty pounds (nearly 3 stone) lighter it was more than fun, it was an experience to go shopping. Now, it is much easier and comfortable to order online.
Do you like shopping for shoes?No. I wear a half size – wide shoe, which is difficult to find. My daughter wears an 11, but has perfectly thin feet.
Do you enjoy shopping alone or with friends/partner?This also depends on if I have money to spend, or if I must keep in mind a strict budget. It is not very fun going shopping, alone or with friends, when you have no money to spend.
Gratitude: I am thankful for pain, which reminds me I am alive.
BY: Anil Print
A gift, no matter how small, can mean the world to the recipient.
sustain.able.future 