{pain} 4 {sleep} 6h 16m
Busy.
That’s all I’ve got today.
Tag: busy
24.September.22 Saturday
{pain} meh. 4 {sleep} 5h 33m
I get to watch the kids on Tuesday. Whoa. “The kid(s)!” Carolyn is coming home right now. That is just so cool. I look forward to telling you all about it. Lady Di has a vet appointment on Friday, she needs her ears checked & flea & tick meds. My Ma will be home in a couple days… 😳. I was hoping she would have been to the vet already, but no; Rome just haaaad to procrastinate. 🙄 Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
Thursday 18.August.22
{pain} 4 {sleep} 4h 50m – I am so exhausted. I have not had a decent night’s sleep in so long.
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I am old. I love this boyo, but damn my back hurts. We have Mon Petit Homme, thankfully because I missed him, but I am so old. It is difficult to be a mom to a 17-year old, even though she can take care of herself. I want to be able to cook all her meals, keep up with all of her laundry, clean up after her (I don’t WANT to do this, but would really like to be able to on the reg), and I wish I could physically challenge her daily. My body has been in a special level of hell recently, I desperately need to get my shite together. ⬅️ Most importantly because this little guy ⬇️ is a minute from crawling, and one second after that he will be walking.
I need to get back to good, start at the beginning, and all that… stretching. My mornings need to go back to a decent routine instead of me punking out and saying I hurt. It does not matter if I hurt, moving will make it better; stretching will help make the hurt go away. So will the weekend…
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Alright, well we have Rogue’s second (and hopefully last) iron infusion. She got sick last week after, so we will see. Positive thoughts and prayers appreciated. Hope you all have a good day! Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
Oh Lord, it IS Monday; thank You for reminding me. 15.August.22
{pain} 5 {sleep} Idk, I’ll get back to you on that one. <one hour later> ~ 4h 15m ~ which is what happens without pain medication. Busy day, as ((speaking of)), my Morphine was filled this morning. We went to Charleston and then on to Effingham for RISE. And parked outside of RISE is when I discovered that I did not have my wallet. I had my purse, my daughter’s wallet, but not my wallet. Hello, Monday, it IS you! I was mistaken at first because it was 75 degrees and a gorgeous day… yeah, fu€k you.
I was reminded of how amazing my daughter is today by an objective person, that being a highly educated woman. We went to Panera Bread, because before prices were insane I enjoyed eating there. An older lady and someone I took to be her daughter came and sat near us. As the older lady was sitting down, Rogue says, “We should invite them to sit with us. I think it would be interesting.” Well, I had not had any pain meds for two days and was not really feeling up to conversation… so I said no.
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On the way out, we ended up saying hello anyway because I am me. Mother Toni and daughter Linda, going home to Chicago from visiting their family in Orlando, were completely “our kind of people”. Linda complimented Rogue on her courage in wanting to talk to them, even though they were strangers. I LOVE THAT ABOUT HER; and I said on the way home that if she got anything from me, I hope it is just that: The ability to talk to, compliment, or help a stranger. I think we are well on our way to accomplishing that. 😊 I hope you have discovered something cool about your family or friends recently… it is delightfully refreshing. Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
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Post Script: If you have been reading the shite I have been putting out previously, you might recall how I pick the artwork. The above really caught my attention. I put in “Pay it Forward” in the search.
Thursday 14.July.22 (What happened to Wednesday?)
{Waking Pain} 5 holy hell, I took my meds early last night bc I needed to go to sleep {Current Pain} 4 {Stretches} I have started, but not completed. {Sleep} 5h 37m – but it looks weird on my sleep tracker bc I was awake between 1am and 3am, you know, just because.
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I have struggled with insomnia for …ever. I am sure there was a time when sleep was not a problem, but it is difficult for me to remember. I was exhausted yesterday; I made it to 6p to take my meds (took a 30 min nap), went to sleep at 10p but woke up at 1am and could not get back to sleep until 3am. Then I woke up at six in such pain bc I caved and took my meds early last night. Ugh, struggle. I need sleep, dammit!!!! Tomorrow is a HUGE day.
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And what is tomorrow??? Well, if you ever make it to the homepage you will see a couple of countdowns – one of which is to the 5 Seconds of Summer concert that we have been waiting for, for TWO YEARS. COVID made us wait for many things… restaurants, movie theaters, the Theatre, traveling in general, to name but a few. The one major event that we have been counting down the days to is Rome’s first 5SOS concert.
Speaking of Rome… that’s not her real name, which most of my readers know. The main reason is that she is still 17 and I would like to keep a tidge of anonymity for her whilst she is a child. The other reason is that she is not a huge fan of her birth name and has gone through a few different options over the past few years. I think she has finally come to a decision, one that fits her personality quite well. She likes the name Rogen, and for short she will be Rogue.
I am going to ask for apologies now if I refer to her as Rome in future; changing names is not easy.
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That is my morning so far… I do not know where Wednesday went, by the way. I am still recovering from our trips to Chicago & Oklahoma. ~And might I say how strange that dichotomous week was!~ perhaps a more deep dive into that will be forthcoming. Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
Tuesday 17.May.22
{Waking Pain} my shoulder is at a 5, my back & my neck a 4… {Current Pain} It is nearly 1030p – oh dear I hurt. Long, long, loooong day. {Stretches} no. I am foolish and silly and stupid. I know!
Today has been crazy busy. I missed yesterday, not because it was Monday, but because we were BUSY. I am so tired of being busy. I miss quarantine. You didn’t hear me say that, nvm. Today was a very long, very emotional day. I spoke with a good friend with whom I have not been in touch for a minute, and I was rude… well, I don’t know if rude is the correct terminology, but I was wrong in what I said. I meant to text right away, but I got busy and one thing led to another and I let the day go. I did text him later, but I felt damned guilty all day. And then I got to catch up with my best friend, but that wasn’t really good news so, yeah, mooooving on. 🐄 🐮
And then we visited friends who lost their daughter last fall. I know I have mentioned Jaime before, well her Mum has really been on our hearts and minds, especially Rome. On Rome’s birthday she got a Build-a-Bear that she named Jaime… but she said it never felt right, like it just wasn’t for her. She decided to give it to Phyllis, Jaime’s Mum, because we know she is having a “difficult” time. (I put that in quotes because I don’t think there is a word for what she goes through every minute of the day). Rome was upstairs with Becca and I was down talking with Phyllis, and I could legitimately feel her pain.
I will never claim to know why we live in a world where our beautiful children are taken from us. I will not claim to know the answer to “why did God let this happen?” I know the academic, theological answer… but I do not know what to say to a woman who lost not one, but two children the exact same way. I do know that Jaime touched everyone she met and changed lives just by living. I also know that her death has perhaps sparked conversations between other kids and their parents, or between each other. I know that there was a reason for her life and her death, I am just not privy to the specifics yet.
Okay, that’s enough. I hope you all are having a good week. Full moon yesterday, on a Monday; that just doesn’t seem fair. Talk Soon, Čėçēłįå
the Empty Cup
There is an emptiness within me right now. My chest literally feels the loss. I have started several blogs, only to be distracted and never to finish. This is one. I had half a sentence written. I wish I could explain where this is coming from and why it takes but a thought to bring tears to my eyes. Could this simply be loneliness? I confess to being a very lonely person. Most of my life has been spent within friend-family groups; friends that become so close that they are more like family. At my age you find friends either at work, church, through some gathering or club…etc. I work from home. Well, I work from Starbucks.
For my daughter’s well-being, we decided to put her in a summer Tae Kwon Do camp along with Fit Girls. I will begin with the latter. Fit Girls is a nutrition/reading/running program that Sarah Bush (local hospital) sponsors with the Mattoon Public Library. It is an interesting combination. Twice a week the group gets together at the Mattoon Public Library, first to discuss the pages they were to read from the chosen book. This summer it is a book about a girl that lost a leg, but continued to do her favorite thing, which was running.
They also have a folder of worksheets concerning nutrition that they work on together. This is about portion sizes, processed food vs. natural, etc. After their “class” they start running! They are training for the 5K in Mattoon’s Run for the Bagel on July 23rd. I love watching my baby girl work her butt off to do something that makes her so proud. At the end of the session they always have some kind of healthy snack to share with the girls, just to give them an idea.
I believe we have decided (by we, I mean Bekah,) that she will go to Tae Kwon Do every day of the week if possible. Right now she goes Tues./Thurs./Fri., 8am to 4pm. It is not simply Tae Kwon Do. OH no… they do a lot of different things including, but not limited to, games like kickball, dodgeball, etc.; they go to the park, swimming, crafts, some down time with movies (usually during lunch)… it is just an awesome camp.
How did I get here? OH yeah, loneliness. Well, I do not have my kiddo during the summer. We still do things at night, on weekends, etc. But we are not together all the time (which is a good thing, THAT we have learned). What do I do? Well, when she is at camp I am at Starbucks, it is just my place. There has been a lot of turnover, obviously, in a college town. Many of the barista’s have graduated and gone home, or to their new homes with their new jobs. New people come in, and we “learn” each other.
A friend, Nate, will be moving about 90 miles away to live & work a while… before he goes back home to Michigan. I cannot really explain how much Bek & I will miss him. He’s not just a friend, we steal his dog (Stanley) every once in a while to fulfill our need for a dog. Now I’m not sure what we are going to do. Much is changing. Yet another good friend, Stevie, is now graduated and engaged! Not sure if she and her fiancé are sticking around here, or if they have bigger, better things ahead. Another friend, Chazz, finally came back from Cleveland. Her (now husband) had a job there for six months; it was just too long to be apart. So she transferred to a Sbux up there. She came home married & pregnant! It is so exciting.
I have adopted these people as my friends (whether they want to be, or not) and my family. That does not mean that they spend any of their own time with me. Stevie and Nate are the exceptions to that, but everyone else, it seems we are contained to this building. That makes me sad. It’s not like I have a lot of time to do things with them outside of work. Maybe that is just an excuse. I’m the middle-aged, single mom… most of these people are babies (early 20s). Why on earth would they want to spend any time with me? HA!
So, why don’t I have a ton of friends from church? Well, I do have friends from church, but none that want to do anything with me. Once again, I’m the middle-aged, single mom. I just do not fit. I should be married, then I would fit. I feel so alone. I shouldn’t be expressing these feelings; I was taught to hold it all in. You know, keep a good face on. I do that with my pain; it is just too difficult to try to hide this pain too.
Just so you know, I am reading helpful books, digging deeper into the Word, and praying my heart out. Currently my cup is empty and I am trying so very hard to fill it. I know that I cannot do it on my own; I need Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help me fill my heart. I do not doubt the sovereignty of God, therefore I know that this will not last forever. I need to learn from it and move on to the next season. I’m going to go back to one of the books I’m reading…haha, there are several. This particular one is telling me that my singleness is a gift. If I did not have a child I would completely agree; I would be able to do many things for the Kingdom. As it is, I’m a mom. Prayers appreciated…I’m a mess.
I hope & pray that all is well in your lives. Praying for a friend that lost a family member recently in a motorcycle accident. If you need prayers, just ask. I certainly am not afraid of asking! God bless.
~Cecelia
Blue Wing Things to do in case of COUP 