{pain} 4 • thankfully began stretching again today & can immediately feel the difference. {sleep} I don’t effin’ know & that pisses me off. Apple still has not fixed the issues with the last update.
I went to the ENT (Ear, Nose, & Throat) doctor yesterday. She checked me out & said that she thinks two things are going on… one is my Eustachian tube not doing its job properly. Second, & probably more important, it seems as though I am clenching my jaw at night and possibly during the day as well.
Recall I have Trigeminal Neuralgia on both sides of my face, which makes it impossible to tell if I have an ear infection or if it’s just the pain from TN. I also have jaw pain from TN on the reg, therefore – I wouldn’t notice if I wake up clenching my jaw at night. (& I do wake up at 3am & 6am every freakin’ morning due to 🐈⬛). There are times when the pain from TN comes that I do clench my jaw as I massage it to get through the pain.
It takes time to process information, especially info that may point the finger at my mental health. I have been surviving Major Depressive Disorder for quite a bit this time. [It began in college & has come & go in phases through my life]. This last go-around probably began in November of 2021 when my daughter’s best friend died in a car accident. For two years I focused on her mental health & ignored how I was feeling.
I should have known better.
Just like now – I should have realized that clenching my jaw at night & during the day off & on is a result of stress & reaction of my body to depression. It happened once before, I clenched my jaw so badly I thought I had TMJ. That followed a severe break-up & I was *surprise, surprise* severely depressed.
Please don’t misunderstand, I didn’t think I was ‘cured’, by no means; like I said, I’ve been here before. I understand that it’s all a process & what the process needs the most is ‘time’ with counseling & self-reflection & oftentimes medication.
It is incredibly frustrating.
If you’re in the same boat mentally, emotionally, please know that you’re not alone. There are many like us, who are surviving through the same muck & mire. Hopefully you too are going to counseling, perhaps with a psychologist & also a psychiatrist – maybe a therapist, mayb a group… if not, you can always text 988 if you find yourself in a dark place.
With that I say, talk soon.
Cecelia✌🏻🌊💙
Post Script: Some Caturday pics for you… with love, Lady Diana 🐈⬛🐾
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